sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
