Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
