she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
