She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize