I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
