First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
