That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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