Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
