The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
