ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
