when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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