in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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