I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
