WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nicole vs. Life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
