Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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