i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
