Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
