You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
