Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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