I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
