R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
