Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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