I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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