Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
