I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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