hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
