so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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