i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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