careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
