hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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