I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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