How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I touched a dick in church today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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