I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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