She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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