I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
