Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He shit in the fireplace
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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