How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize