it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
