We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
