Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
