Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
