I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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