I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
