I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
