all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
