I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's rum buckets o'clock
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
