I'm drive I can fine osifer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
