somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can text with my tongue
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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