Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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