Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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