All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
