Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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