So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
