the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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