I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
