I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
