you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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