i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
