Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
