Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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