Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
