ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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