he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
