I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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