I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
