Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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