I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
