A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
