Pants 0. Shit 1.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
