I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you inspire me to be a worse person
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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