Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
