um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
