I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize