i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
