jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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