party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
