where am i from again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
